Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize