I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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