ya dads aren't the best wingmen
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
