He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
