Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
