ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
