The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
