Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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