the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
