she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How does one acquire holy water?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
