I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
