i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
