he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
