This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
