She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
