Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
