i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
