She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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