At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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