One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
