I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
