A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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