is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize