hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
NoShamevember. You game?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
