guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
