Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
