Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
