Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
