best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize