At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
