I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I bet he comes in French.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize