Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I smell stomach acid.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
