Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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