If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
