I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
