oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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