I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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