I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
