im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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