apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
