I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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