I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
