I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He felt like a one man threesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
