I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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