just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
