I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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