I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
