Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
be right there i have to get my cape
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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