my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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