did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
