I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
