Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You were trust falling into bushes
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
