i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize