how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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