Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
