Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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