just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
