On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
