I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
