How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
