giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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