The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
