I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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