well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
