Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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