His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
