My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just had sex on a roof
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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