If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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