my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
