You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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