my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
