i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
