I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
