You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
