Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
