that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
