there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
