He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
