you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
