There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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