my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
