i need an iv and a liver transplant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
