i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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