I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
