You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
