I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
