i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
