3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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