I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
