i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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