now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
