she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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