so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
